My dad has Myeloma Cancer, so a few months ago he went on behalf of a bone marrow transplant. Our hopes were up cause hey, the specialists are buying us at least another 5 years. As I don’t have any kids, this thought meant that he shall be able to see my first born. As the only son in a afrikaans family, this is big, on behalf of me at least. On saturday the specialist told us that the cancer survived all of the treatments, as well as that now we only have a few weeks left with him. That there’s nothing else they can do on behalf of him. This broke my heart into a thousand pieces. I woke this morning hating the world as well as everything in it. But then I came to realize that my dad is on his way home. Up to this point I thought that I was prepared on behalf of the worst, but I was far from it. There’s so much I still desire him to say to me, give me a life times worth of advise, tell me what he expects from me.

I went through to the hospital last night to see my dad. I told him how much he means to me as well as that God could not have given me a better dad even If I requested on behalf of it. What he told me, shattered my spirit, he told me that if he could have meant 1% to me of what I meant to him, it’s worth a life time. This was too much on behalf of me to handle, how do you respond to that, “I love you” is just not good enough, I wanted to hold him as well as manufacture him understand that he was just that. But I did not have the words. I left the hospital feeling as if someone just took a shotgun as well as blew a hole into my gut. I have never felt so much pain before.
Today, the sun rose at about 06h30, a new day was born, this had no effect on me, I was angry, bitter as well as upset. Besides this I decided to go through to the hospital again. I saw my dad, held him, kissed his forehead, as well as told him that I love him. You know what, it’s ok. For the first time in my life I truly understand just how much he loves me. Father to son.
In accepting this situation, processing the news logically, I feel blessed. I had a possibility to talk to my dad, hear him tell me what I have been waiting 20 years to hear. If he passes  away tonight I’ll be fine with it. I’m not upset with God. rather, I thank him on behalf of giving me this time with my dad.
Through this process I was tough a valuable lesson. Often in life, we get dealt a bad hand. We get bad news as well as immediately blame God cause it’s the easiest thing to do. Finding the blessings in bad times is what helps us cope. Helps us take as well as deal with the unacceptable. My dad is dying, so why do I feel blessed?

Why do I see the good in the bad? It’s simple. God did not give my dad cancer. Nor did he curse me or my family in the process, he gave us life, in life he gave us death, he gave us a porthole home. What is home? A place where there's no pain, a place where we are surrounded by love, acceptance,joy as well as glory.

Why am I blessed? Cause I am alive. I have a say in my future. I can chose to reside as well as manufacture the best out of my time on earth. I can have a family, I can experience love, I can feel the sun on my skin, can experience a storm over the ocean as well as smell the birth of spring.
My time shall come, but until then I shall manufacture the best of each experience, or give it my best shot at least.
God gave me life, it’s up to me to live.